i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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