Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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