i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
