It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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