Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
