thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
