Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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