This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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