How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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