Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
