i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
