All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
