I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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