I just saw a hot homeless man
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
