he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
