There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
