Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
