Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
