Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize