I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
