He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
