At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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