Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
