Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
