At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
