did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize