so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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