You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
