I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
