Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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