Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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