Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
