tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
