HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize