This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
