The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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