the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
