The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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