Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
