One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
