Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
