In America we eat man semen.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
