So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sext me about skeletons
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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