No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
