Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
