I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
