That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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