What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize