i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
