I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
