My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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