You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize