don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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