He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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