all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
