mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
