So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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