I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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