So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
where am i from again
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
