I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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