Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We just shotgunned beers for America
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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