Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
