just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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