I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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