Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
