I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
