I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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