I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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