I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
