Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
