I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
worst night to have a conscience
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
